Cell phones are changing our society by saving our time. We can shop by phone on walk so we don't have to go shopping somewhere. we can tell something important by phone wherever we are so we need not try to find a public telephone. When we want to know information about something suddenly outside , we can find information that we want to know at once so we don';t have to go library in order to find information. Also when we have to transfer money into an another person';s account suddenly, we can transfer money into an another person';s account by using phone banking so we don';t have to go bank. In conclusion, cell phones save our time and change our society.
I agree your essay. Cell phone is useful electronic equipment. So I can't living without
답글삭제cell phone. ^^
Your topic sentence, supporting sentences, and conclusion are all excellent! You give really good examples to support your controlling idea. This is an 'A' paragraph. Great work!
답글삭제Just two things in terms of editing:
1. Look at the verbs you use after "can." After can, we use only the base form, like you do with "can tell," "can find," and "can transfer." Can you correct "can shopping"?
2. One other tip: "time" can be countable (we can count it and make it plural) and uncountable (we don't count it and there is no plural form). The abstract idea of 'time' is uncountable, so no 's'. For example, "I don't have time to go to a movie today." When we are talking about a number of occurrences, 'time' is countable. For example, "I have gone to Starbucks many times." Can you fix this in your paragraph?
Again, GREAT JOB!
Professor Treeful